goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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