Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
