whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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