"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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