Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
