ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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