i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
