Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
