How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
