as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
