woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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