New invention idea: vibrating tampons
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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