In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
