End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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