the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
