My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize