I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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