that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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