i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
