I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
