Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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