Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
