why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
