Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
