dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
