He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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