South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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