This is not my ceiling
I just pynch a tree in the face
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
