she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
