Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
