How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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