The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize