I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
