i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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