I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
