Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize