The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
