So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
