hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
