I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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