I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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