Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
