The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize