remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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