I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
