I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
