saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
