just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
