I will die if light touches me.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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