There was a lot of him and a little penis
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
