I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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