You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
