Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
