i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
