I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
