I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
