I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize