not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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