what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
