youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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