I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
