I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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