is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
