I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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