You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize