If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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