I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
