ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
