I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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