just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
even my farts smell like vagina
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
