Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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