you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
