I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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