mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I said "one day" and that day is not today
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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