she woke up with a sticky ear
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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