Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
