I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
