I'm so fucking centered right now
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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