I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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