I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
