my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize