YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
