So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
